


Droid Sex Talks

by Spitshine



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Awkward Sex Talk, C-3PO is a good bro, Fluff, Future OT3, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 01:16:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5563177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spitshine/pseuds/Spitshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a prompt on tumblr: rey learns that finn doesn’t know what sex is and mentions this to chewie as they’re working on the falcon; chewie takes it upon himself to give finn the Talk (he knows all about human sex thanks to that one frankly explicit diagram han drew & made him swear not to tell anyone about) but since finn can’t understand him, c-3P0 is roped into translating the whole mess but refuses to say 50% of it b/c it’s “inappropriate” and of course r2d2 is inserting his own commentary the whole time, like beep beep boop boop beep boop bepbepebepe boop!!!! BEEP!!!!!!!!!. poe then walks in on a wookie and 2 droids teaching his wide-eyed boyfriend about rimming while rey is on the floor rolling in laughter and honestly this isnt going anywhere im just dying</p>
            </blockquote>





	Droid Sex Talks

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [mollynoble](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mollynoble) for the beta!

Poe follows Rey toward the hangar where the Falcon is being repaired, listening intently as she excitedly details all the things she learned about piloting and repair from scavenging for nearly her entire life. He barely knows the woman, but he can tell Finn likes her, and he, well... he likes Finn. Quite a lot.

They round the corner, and the cacophony that hits them as they enter nearly bowls Poe over. It's so loud it takes him a moment to process the visuals in front of him:

His boyfriend—Poe's chest tightens at the memory of the night before, sitting close under the lush green canopy, sharing their first kiss, shy and chaste—his _boyfriend_ blushing a deep maroon under his dark skin, eyes and mouth both incredulous and round.

The wookie, once a figure more legendary than anything else, now come to toweringly tall life, shouting and wailing and gesturing emphatically with a wrench.

R2-D2, beeping and whirring enthusiastically as he rolls over to greet Beebee. The two share what can only be described as a handless high five, obviously joking and congratulating each other.

And lastly, C-3PO, looking more distraught than Poe has ever seen him, hopping awkwardly from foot to foot in his attempt to dodge Chewie's flailing arms, interrupting himself as he stumbles through translating for the increasingly agitated wookie, “Sir, he says—oh no, sir I cannot tell him _that_ , it would be most—well, alright then, Master Chewbacca reports that Master Han once told him that it can feel very, ah, very pleasurable, sir, if done well.”

“But—but—I—that's _filthy_.”

Chewie roars, shaking his head in obvious exasperation. Poe hears a muffled snort behind him and turns to see Rey, Rey who he had completely forgotten about, turning redder and redder in a failed attempt to contain her laughter.

“What did you _do_?” he hisses, trying to decide if he's angry now, but she just thins her lips further and shakes her head.

“He says, sir—and please do not be upset, I am merely translating—he says humans have hangups which are quite incomprehensible to him and furthermore, there is always bathing.”

Artoo chirrups loudly, rocking back and forth a bit in his excitement.

Understanding suddenly dawns on Poe and he can't hold it in any longer. “What are you doing? Who starts a sex talk with _rimming_?”

“Oh, excuse me, sir, we did not start there. Certainly not. We began, of course, with kissing, though when Finn reported he was already familiar with the practice, we moved on to manual and oral stimulation.”

Poe whirls around to face Rey, eyes narrowing. “You did this. What did you do?”

He wants to be angry, he thinks, but it's beyond ridiculous and Rey is laughing openly now, sagging helplessly against the hangar wall as huge guffaws wrack her short frame.

He can't quite help the small smile quirking the corner of his mouth as he walks over to Finn to wrap the man securely in his arms.

“I don't mind waiting,” he whispers. Things are loud enough he's not worried about being overheard, but he's not taking any chances, either. Finn turns in the embrace to nuzzle indiscreetly at Poe's throat, but the pilot, determined to get this out, keeps talking. “And we don't—nothing you're not comfortable with, we don't have to do that-”

“But we could?” Finn asks, directly into his mouth.

_Oh._

**Author's Note:**

> You can [reblog this](http://the-knitter-soldier.tumblr.com/post/136127130012/star-wars), if you're into that kind of thing.


End file.
